COSTELLO RULZ!

whatever tara reid can do, i can do better!

2005-10-04T12:49:00.000-04:00

all's I'm saying is that if tara reid (betwen keg stands) can get her own tv show i don't see why i can't have my own magazine. so after months of waiting for those steves at conde nast to step up and accept the fact that theyve seen the future, and the future is costello, ig ive you...Stello Magazine!

you will note

2005-09-20T15:06:00.000-04:00

that i spend my time off the leash in a restrained and dignified manner.

alert.

vigilant.

handsome.

I fot the law and the law won.

2005-09-20T14:57:00.000-04:00

so yesterday, i was free. for a brief period of time i ran free, through fields of green grass chasing my ball and rubbing up on stuff. also rolling in crap. then. it. happend. i GOT BUSTED. i can't help to be a rbel cuz you know, i ain't no mexi-can't! so, clearly brookline pd don't have anything better to do than give me a ticket for not wearing my leash. b1 almost clocked him, it wzs totally cool. also, he said cus some other dog licked a baby. well, did the baby get a ticket for not wearing a leash. no its not us dogs fault that you stupid moms and dads leave babies on the ground free for licking. now, what if the dog had been one of the ones that i dont like that eat babies. it was only a good friend of mine. he can't even walk down the street hes so shamed. so thats what has been up with me. i will post a picture of me at the park without my leash. i don't care if its wrong. if it's wrong i shure don't want to be right!

shout out to my dogs. we need to find a new place to hang. peep me on dogster!

HOTDOG SOUP

2005-09-20T14:53:00.000-04:00

with cheez. okay folks picture this. cheez, like 8 kinds and then you melt it with 4 hotdogs cut up in it. HOW FRIGGING AWESOME WOLD THAT BE! MAN.

summer's not so bad

2005-08-04T15:29:00.000-04:00

it's hot
that's true but the days are long and the fan breezes across my stomach as i lay in wait for joy. man, o man. sometimes i get popsicles or go to the park. the only thing i don't like about the summer is the heat. in the mornings i run circles around everyone else and stop for a nap. joy comes around eleven or so and we spend some time. next thing you know i'm getting a treat. also, i like to poop in bedrooms.

top 5 & poems

2005-04-06T16:47:00.000-04:00

sorry this took so long, but peeple have been all messing up the order by annoying me. plus i've been poeting. ( www.shaferhall.blogspot.com )

top 5 people i know:
5. lou the landlord.
4. monique (awesome lap)
3. b2. i know she wuz back in the bottom 5, but she's improved due to the mini beef taco
2. adrianna. she only owns my girlfriend for crying out loud.
1. b1. HELLO?!?! was there even a question about that?

top ten people, not dogs.

2005-03-08T17:51:00.000-05:00

so because some people are totally disrespekful i thought that it would be a good time to list my top 10 people, not dogs.

10. John Silano - all i gotz to say is NOT ENOUGH CHICKEN
9. B2 - sorry babe, but you touch me too much
8. Jeff Eaton - pretty much the only person that respeks the costellorulz
7. TIE - Judy & Jeff Corbacho. i mean, you guyz'd totally be up there if you lived here. MORE CHICKEN PLEASE
6. Jeff Friedman - sometimes i wonder how much you "like" boy dogs, but you pretty much are down...

TOP FIVE TOMORROW!!!

Awwwwww, MAAAAN!

2005-03-08T17:47:00.000-05:00

so, i was very excited the otrhr day cuz i herd that there was gonna be a visit form the boyz from brooklyn. but NOOOOO. apparently green beer takes precident over hanging out with me and my Bz and whatever we decide to do because it's totally not cool that they think that i don't mind being totally dissed even tho there is lots of stupid greenbeer here and i even have a gay green sweater that i hate because its not even like being irish is very special anyhow i mean i don't run around telling peo[ple i'm mexican even though it is my heritage i mean i was born on staten island and that is where i am from i mean come on shafer.

oh so i totally forgot about ligers

2005-02-22T13:16:00.000-05:00

ligers are awesome they are bigger than even lions and tigers they are real. jeff eaton came to my house and i tried to sleep with him but i just couldnt get into it cuz he snores and picks his butt in the nighttime and i was like totally grossed out so after licking myself clean i totally left to go sleep with my b1 because she doesnt snore or pick buts.

winter, NOW WITH MORE SNOW!

2005-02-22T13:11:00.000-05:00

so i totally thought that i should move to the place where its sunny but then i heard dianne sawyer and charlie gibson talk about that that place is falling under water. GAHHHHH! is there no place for a chihuahua to find a comfortable climate except under the covers curled up in a ball but then sometimes thats bad and i dont like it cuz it smells and i get kicked and then this one time i got trapped right neer the but and that was scary and so maybe if i go to spain or to chile that would be good maybe if they would just stop the snow then maybe i would respect them until then i will poop wherever i wantand not even care because its cold out and they saw what can happen to an angry chihuaha.

#$%&#^*&$ SNOW!

2005-02-07T11:59:00.000-05:00

okay. seriously, now. go away. i want to go out and play with lucy and the other dogs that aren't as handsome as me but some that are pretty and smell good at the park. i want to poop at my tree. i don't like to poop in the hallway or in the bathroom or in B2s bedroom, but i have to.

Misty Watercolored Memories...

2004-12-29T13:04:00.000-05:00

As Det. Lennie Briscoe

2004-12-29T11:32:00.000-05:00

Jerry, rest in peace.

Tipping a Forty...

2004-12-29T11:05:00.000-05:00

Friends, it is a day of mourning. Our friend, mentor and confidant Jerry Orbach has passed away. Always on top of his game, as Baby's daddy, he taught us that compassion in the Catskills was truly possible. His long time role of Lennie Briscoe (see interview), he could always lighten the most horrific crime scene with an ex-wife comment. Jerry, we will miss you. We will miss your witty repartee. We will honor your memory with continuous Law & Order episodes on TBS and TNT. Night after night, although you have left this cruel world, you will live on every evening at 6,7,8 and on Mondays at 9.

WHY?

2004-12-22T13:12:00.000-05:00

You're probably, like, thinking, why is Stello finally blogging again. Well, let me tell you. IT'S FRIGGIN COLD HERE AS CRAP IN OHIO! You'd think I'd remember that something always goes horribly wrong everytime i go "home". But noooo, I'm like okay, I'll totally go travelling with you B1. I heard all about this spanish place she went with beaches and beer and hot little lady dogs wearing no clothes, but where do i end up going everytime she puts me in that stupid bag, which needs a good cleaning by the way, i end up in OHIO. but. like, the first time i came they took away something very important to me and then the second time they dressed me up like a wise man even though i'm a dog, which as a model i can usually deal with, but then these other dogs were like totally not into it and couldn't even look at the camera and the one that i swear got into the hooch a little early in the day kept farting. so as i was saying this time i think they're trying to kill me.

I've missed you all!

2004-12-21T13:31:00.000-05:00

It's been a busy couple of months! What with my travels and modeling and writing (totally published author!) , it's just been crazy. Also, my bitch be all up in my shit. Seriously. She's like, "L'il C? Come sit with me." ""Stello, why don't you ever like to sleep with me anymore?" and of course there's the "C-baby? Why don't you blog anymore?" and I'm like, "Yo, bitch, chill... can't you see I'm totally BUSY?!?!"

For serious. I'd better get some damn bling for christmas or something cheese or meat flavored, if not actual cheese or meat! And the other one, the one that doesn't feed me on a daily basis but still manages to try and make me do stuff for her? yeah, her. Anyhow, she's all like trying to force the love from me and everything and so I totally showed her where it's at. She won't even let me in her room anymore, nevermind try to make me sleep with her. Total Ninja shittin'!! Awesome. I can squeeze one out in, like, 14 seconds or less! I rule.

Anyhow, if you've been missing me, you can totally like email me or come and hang out. I'm thinking that I might have some free time after the holidays. Maybe I'll just kick back for a while and do some thinking. I believe that it was David Coverdale of my favorite rock group, Whitesnake, who said "I don't know where I'm goin... but I sure know where I've been." It totally speaks to where I am mentally right now. Alright, rock on. Oh and merry holidays or whatever.

This one's been on my mind lately... it goes out to Lucy.

2004-08-05T17:42:00.000-04:00

Reasons why I am awesome include but are not limited to...my ability to make everyone a pillow. That's right, Jeff, now hold it like that for 8 more hours. And, of course, he totally did.

2004-08-05T17:35:00.000-04:00

I guess this is what you call a boudoir shot. I think it's tasteful.

2004-08-05T17:31:00.000-04:00

Here's me in the morning. As you can see, me and the Lobster sisters had a rough night. I know it's so 70s but I love a circular bed. And so do the ladies...

2004-08-05T17:27:00.000-04:00

Pictures...as promised. Here's one of me interviewing John Cotter. What he didn't know was that if you stare into my eyes too long, I will totally steal your soul. Here he is just before he submitted and became my hot dog-fetching zombie...

The Muse

2004-08-05T16:25:00.000-04:00

So it goes without saying that I have been the inspiration for many an artist...for example, who do you think that song "Dear Ben" is written for? Ben Affleck? I don't think so. The only one who'd write that idiot a song is Matt Damon...called maybe, "I Love You Cuz You Look Like Me" or "Share a Smoothie with Me." Very few people know that JLo and I were really tight. Being hispanic, gorgeous and famous, of course we moved in the same circles. I'm mostly positive that song was written for me and she just used Ben's name instead because she was always respectful of my personal life...unlike some people (B1!). I can't confirm it through her because we are no longer on speaking terms. Somebody (JLo!) has gotten themselves "in the family way" with a guy who could be a stunt double for the Geico mascot and is now too busy to call or write or email the chihuahua homey who got her through a very emotional split from PDiddy. Jenny from the Block, indeed. That block's been gentrified.

Anyway, back to my point...I'm awesome. And I received this lovely poem from my girl Annie about how I threw down with a great dane last weekend. I encourage you readers to send me poems or fan mail about me throwing down with dogs a thousand times my size, how handsome I am in all kinds of light or perhaps how you'd like to buy me a hot dog stand. I'm here to inspire. And eat hot dogs.

Lion Heart !

There wuz once a
Chihuahua named
“Stello”
overall, a quite
likeable fellow…
But,
At a poetry Bash
He ran into the path,
A monstrous pooch , a
Big ass Great Dane
(not Hamlet I feign]
Stud, that he is,
Territory to claim,
Stello, the mugger
Was ready to maim!

His mom intervened,
He got popped in her purse!
What a curse!
[What bad verse!]
Shouda called for
A hearse!
“Quack, Quack”

by: Annie da Pants

HOLY FRIGGIN CRAP!

2004-08-02T13:46:00.000-04:00

I know I say it all the time, but,

WUT A WEEKEND!!
Whoa. This is what I've learned:
What poets are good for:
1) beer
2) poetry
3) naked
4) big dogs
5) Mr. & Mrs. Cotter - Who, by the way, think I'm pretty awesome, which is awesome. I'm pretty sure that if my B's stop giving me meat flavored things then I could go live with them and stuff and I could eat whatever I wanted and get snuggled. ALL THE TIME!
So, anyhow, I'm still recovering. I think that I'll be back in the swing of things by Wednesday or Thursday.

It's not the heat, it's the humidity!!

2004-07-19T14:49:00.000-04:00

MAN! This is how it was this weekend:
Crappy
Muggy
Humid

I mean, there was a stupid dog show on and all I got AGAIN was that stupid " Stello, Stack!" oh, look, Stello, it's a long haired chihuahua." Stack my ass. That's all I have to say. I mean, I'm being all good and chilling and sweating my cute little ass off and all you have to say is "Stack" F-off.

Oh, and I am NOT cool with wearing matching pajamas and headgear like in that dumb ass movie you saw. And B2, I don't give a hotdog's ass about how hard those service dogs work. If you want a service dog, get a lab or something. What you got is your roommate's chihuahua, who, by the way, is very handsome and only into doing things that he wants to do and the things that he wants to do have nothing to do with service. Stop watching Animal Planet.

The Return of the Wednesday Interview: Lennie Briscoe

2004-07-14T15:34:00.000-04:00

Costello: Lennie, we all know and love you from Law & Order. What do you plan to do with your spare time, now that you’ve left the precinct?
Lennie: Thanks, Costello. It’s been a long time. Definitely longer than any of my marriages.
Costello: Exactly how many marriages would that be?
Lennie: I stopped counting at 3.
Costello: I hear you on that one. So, who was your favorite partner?
Lennie: I loved all my wives. For a week or two. Ha ha.
Costello: I meant partner at work.
Lennie: Well, I’d probably say Green. He got my wife jokes and was more than willing to chase down the bad guys.
Costello: Totally.
Lennie: I’ll tell you though, there were some rough years out there. I mean, try working with Benjamin Bratt.
Costello: I totally watch like 4 episodes a day.
Lennie: I totally had like 4 wives.
Costello: Awesome.

To B2, with Love

2004-07-14T11:15:00.000-04:00

These are the things that you need to stop doing:
f-ing with me

Seriously. I will win. I always win.

I LOVE SUMMER!!

2004-07-12T20:06:00.000-04:00

Holy Crap! Summer is full of hotdogs and other dogs!! For example there was this party for me at my friend's house and there was this grill and a dog named harley and jameson and pax. harley was totally into humping and pax was chill. jameson was kind of a pain. still a puppy, you know. so i don't trust kids or pregnant people.

What up kid!

2004-07-09T17:20:00.000-04:00

hey Guyz,
So, I've been sort of on a mental vacation, if you get my drift. I went to the Cotter's this weekend, and whew, was it awesome! I mean, they know how to take care of a guest in that hiz-ouse! For serious. I got tons of hotdogs. One thing though, you ever EVER throw me in the f-ing pool again, I will hurt you.

Now that I think I'm back in the swing of things, let me fill you in on what's going on with me. I think I'm in love. Not "puppy" love, but for serious big time love. But, she's a bit older than me and well, a little bigger, so i'm not really sure how she feels about a may-december relationship, but i'm totally into it. Also, there's this stupid person that comes over every day that my Bs are out. And she's like "oh, how cute you brought me the dog" and "oh, lookit the froggie". Whatever. Here's how it works, AMber: I bring you Blackie. You give me a hotdog and one for Blackie (she lets me hold it for her). I bring you Froggie, you get us a beer. Were you even trained? Who taught you to be my servant? Well, I'm off to hit the clubs.

rock on,
c-bis

Back Off!

2004-07-01T14:18:00.000-04:00

Alright.
Okay.
You can shut up now.
I’m back.

I’ve had it rough the past week or so. B2 brought a niece over. At first I thought I might like nieces. Clearly, she was into chasing me. A lot. Which was cool. At first. It was cool that she didn’t keep telling me to “sit” or “circle” or “go potty”. (I hate “go potty” by the way. I mean, what the F does it mean anyhow?) And she gave me a lot of hotdogs. But she then she started making some noises and trying to pick me up. B2 just laughed. Oh yeah, it’s totally funny to be picked up by a niece by one leg upsidedown and then dropped over and over and over again. For serious, no amount of hotdogs could make that worth it. Well, maybe a LOT of hotdogs, still all together like they have on TV. Anyhow, I haven’t seen any nieces in a while, so that’s good.

Then, remember those things that were eating my hotdogs? Well, they’re still here. They’re like, “Stello…watch I’m gonna Go Potty… in your food…Hey Stello… I’m gonna Go Potty… in your bed… Hey Stello… NICE TRAP…hahahahaha!!” It’s been going on for weeks. Always taunting. Always. I was hearing them in my sleep. So, to help with that I choose to sleep near B2’s butt. Sometimes, that can be life threatening, but whatever, I’ve learned to hold my breath.

Anyhow, there were a few other things, but whatever. I’ve been having some private sessions with Turtle about it and then letting off some steam with Froggie on my time off, so you know, blogging hasn’t been on my mind too much lately.

I DID, try to interview John Cotter, this guy who I hang out with and sometimes he even sleeps in my room. But he’s cool and all, but for serious, I don’t understand a lot of what he talks about, so the interview was a bust. I did manage to get a few lines transcribed:

C: So, hey, dude, what’s up? How’s it hanging?

JC: I believe that it was Frederich Engels who said “An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.”

C: Ummm, okay, so, uh… where does that leave you?

JC: In the words of Samuel Beckett “Poetry is essentially the antithesis of Metaphysics: Metaphysics purge the mind of the senses and cultivate the disembodiment of the spiritual; Poetry is all passionate and feeling and animates the inanimate; Metaphysics are most perfect when concerned with universals; Poetry, when most concerned with particulars.”

C: So, you don’t want to chase me?

So, that’s that. See what I mean? Anyhow, I’m heading to CT to hang with my girl Annie and Mr. Cotter has promised me some killer single malt, so I’m there to celebrate my independence.

Oh, and you should go here: SHAFER SHOULD WIN!

~Stello Out.

PS. Ryan Seacrest, apparently has a small penis.

2004-06-18T23:04:00.000-04:00

Whatever, el Guapo.

Interview with B2.

2004-06-16T10:02:00.000-04:00

So, I've intro'd you to B1, mi madre, mi amour. Now, it's time for B2. B2 is more like my stepbrother or something. I'm not sure why she lives with us. She's cool and all, but sometimes annoying. Anyhow, I did this interview with her last night.

Costello: Hey, B2! What is up?
B2: STELLO! L’il guy!!!
Costello: Hey check this out… whoa! Psych! Hahaha
B2: Circle.
Costello: No.
B2: Circle.
Costello: Apparently you didn’t hear me the first time.
B2: Come on, CIRCLE.
Costello: Come ON, circle my ass. Seriously, you think I’m your toy. Well, I’m not! I’m a dog, a companion, a friend, but I ain’t no friggin toy. Hey is that a hotdog?
B2: Check it out little guy… I got a treat for you… now circle…circle… circle…
Costello: Aw, come on B, can’t I just have the freaking hotdog? Man, I don’t WANT to circle. Fine. Okay. I’ll circle.
B2: High five!
Costello: ALRIGHT! My turn, now CHASE ME!
B2: I’m not going to chase you.
Costello: COME ON, I CIRCLED FOR YOU NOW YOU CHASE ME NOW CHASE ME CHASE ME CHASE ME CHASE ME CHASE ME CHASE ME. Hey, where are you going? Why aren’t you chasing me? Have you seen Froggie today? Lobster too? OH, hey, there you are. Can I chill with you? What are you eating? Is it a hot dog? Does it make hot dogs? Can I have one? Be right back…
B2: Stello! STELL!
Costello: Oh, hey! What’s up?
B2: Hey snuggly l’il guy… Come on, snuggle up.
Costello: Yeah, no problem… ahhh, that’s good… oh, and, um, thanks for leaving your scarf on the floor. I pooped on it for you.

2004-06-15T10:27:00.000-04:00

Okay, so what's so friggin smart about this border collie? Huh? He's got a stupid monkey on his back. Whatever. I am so totally over border collies. The monkey's pretty cool though!

hola!

2004-06-14T17:34:00.000-04:00

Pensé que debo honrar mi herencia fijando en español. Así pues, conseguí solamente algunas cosas para decir sobre este fin de semana. ¡Whew! Estaba en mi primera película del indie. Para serio. Tenía un papel vital en esta película que Juan C. escribió. También ayudé a preparar la escena tomando un escape en la cama que filmaron adentro. Usted puede agradecerme totalmente más adelante. De todos modos, conseguí ir cuidado de la toma de un cierto negocio.
Amor, Costello

Last minute post...IN ANGER!!!

2004-06-10T17:49:00.000-04:00

This time, it's not even Ryan Seacrest's fault. I am so sick and tired of a few things, mostly this whole obsession with border collies and how frigging smart they are. On top of that is the assumption that dogs are stupid so it should be impressive that a dog would know a few words. Hell people, look at this I'M TYPING LOTS OF WORDS!!!! Stupid border collies can't type. I need a drink.

Updates!

2004-06-10T12:35:00.000-04:00

Finally, I've got some time to do some housecleaning on the blog. For serious, I'd been so busy the last few days, I hadn't had a chance to do anything. So, I got some links and stuff up. If you want me to link to you hit me with an email or something. SO anyhow, I have a question to pose to you... Is it so wrong that I like boys? A lot? I mean, I'm totally a ladies' man and everything. I mean, ask Blackie about my hot loving all the time. But, what I'm saying is that sometimes I get, um, excited, when the guys come over. It's probably cause they understand me more than the ladies and we watch sports. That must be it. Right?
Oh, and once I can figure out how to hook up B1's camera to the compy, I'm totally gonna hit you all with some pics of me and my crew.

Straight but not narrow,
Costello

Interview with the uninvited guests (at least 2 but maybe 30)

2004-06-09T17:41:00.000-04:00

So, the past couple of nights have been a bit sketchy around the hiz-ouse. B2 has been screetching like, well, a stupid person or something and there's been talk about letting that mean cat from down the street into the house. All of this is because of these stupid things that keep coming into the house uninvited. I guess B1 and B2 are too self absorbed to realize that they keep eating MY FOOD! Have they stopped to notice that I'M THE VICTIM HERE! No. They haven't. So I've decided to see why these mice keep coming over even though we've told them they can't anymore.

Costello: Oh, hello there mr mouse.

Mouse 1: squeak.

Costello: Who do you think you even are anyways? I mean, seriously, I'm a ratter...

Mouse 1: squeak. squeak.

Costello: No really. STAY OUT OF MY WATER DISH!!!

Mouse 1: squeak. squeak. squeak.
Mouse 2: squeak. squeak. squeak.

Costello: HOLY CRAP THEY'RE COMING AFTER ME AND THEY ARE AT LEAST HUGE AND... HEY GET AWAY FROM MY HOT DOGS!! I'M TOTALLY GONNA KICK YOUR ASSES!!! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU GUYS ARE ANYHOW!!!

Mouse 1: squeak.
Mouse 2: squeak.

Costello: Yeah, that's what I thought. Pussies.

The End

So, um, even though it appears as if i might of been scared or something. I totally wasn't. It was an act to entice them to me so I could, you know, kick their asses. But, they were too scared to deal with the C-Bis. You know how it is... FEROCIOUS! And, um, if you guys wanna, um, let acetylene in, that would be okay.

2 legit 2 quit,
C-Bis

Boston Girls Are Easy!

2004-06-08T13:30:00.000-04:00

So, yesterday, me and B1 head to the park to chill. You know, to meet and greet. We get there and I'm like, whoa, check out the Boston Terrier HOTTIE!! Then, of course, I remember my cool and my girl Blackie, so I step back a bit and eye the little lassie from afar. I notice that she's chillin with this Border Collie that I just can't stand. I mean, no offense to border collies, but you all have got to chill. Seriously, like, who cares if people think you're the smartest breed. For serious, the smartest breeds are those of us that get people to do what WE want, not to be constantly chasing balls or getting the paper or cooking up some chicken. Actually, now that I think about it, I would love to learn how to saute so if any of you hyperassed border collies want to hit me with some info, that would rock! Back to the story. So, I'm just hanging out, getting some rays with B1 and this hottie comes all running up to me and tries to get all up in my stuff and I'm like YO step off and she's all like oh baby baby you so fly. So, I turned to B1 and was like, seriously, let's go.

Stello OUT

My People Need Me!

2004-06-07T22:38:00.000-04:00

DEAR COSTELLO WE HAVE A SERIOUS DEER PROBLEM IN THIS AREA---THEY ARE FEEDING ON ALL DAD'S FLOWERS AND HE'S REALLY P---ED OUR LAWN GUY
S AYS WE NEED A -- GUY---YOU KNOW, MANLY TYPE, TO MARK THE TERRITORY!!!! WE NEED COSTELLO--I"LL SUPPLY ALL THE CORONA YOU NEED (FOR WATERING PURPOSES) YOUR PAL. ANNIE

Yo Annie! How the hell are you? So sorry to hear about the deer on your property. We have a similar problem with the local cats. Well, I mean, they don't eat the flowers and stuff but they do look at me funny like they are considering whether they could take me or not but we all know that it's not gonna happen. Anyhow, I digress. Annie, babe, you know I'm there for you. Whatever, Whenever. You bring the beer, I'm there babe. I'll pee on everything in sight. Inside and out. Love ya! Stello

Confidential to Mr. Cotter: What, you can't spare the good stuff? Corona? Give me some single malt and the deer will be gone for years to come!!!

I do love my bitches

2004-06-03T23:42:00.000-04:00

true story.

Wednesday's Interview

2004-06-02T10:24:00.000-04:00

So, I decided that it was time for you all to get to know my bitches. Today, we begin with an interview with Bee-atch #1.

C: Hello, Bee-atch #1, how are you today?

Bee-atch #1: STELLO! STELLO! GET IN HERE!

C: Umm, okay, so I was wondering...

Bee-atch #1: Stello, seriously, bad no pee bad dog!

C: Oh, that was hours ago. Check this out...

Bee-atch #1: Stell. Jesus, why can't you learn how to pee in the right place. For crying out loud, it's not rocket science...

C: Why are you so angry all the time?

Bee-atch #1: I mean, come on, I just took you to the dog park and you had ample time to pee outside on a tree or in the grass or even on the sidewalk but nooooo, you have to go and pee in the hallway...

C: You do realize that you're talking to yourself now right? I mean, that's crazy.

Bee-atch #1: No, I don't want to chase you, come here.

C: Chase me? What are you talking about?

Bee-atch #1: COME

C: Alright, alright, I'm coming, you'd better have a hotdog or something.

Bee-atch #1: Good boy. Sit. No No that's down, sit. SIT. Oh, for crying out loud Stello, SIT. Okay then, down. Good boy. Now circle. CIRCLE. Good boy.

The End

Now, as you can see, I can have my hotdog and eat it too. I get whatever I want from these bee-atches. Mostly from this stupid circle thing they constantly ask me to do, well, that and high fives. Seriously. I am so the boss of them.

I haven't been the best little dog...

2004-06-01T17:08:00.000-04:00

that's a true story. So, there's this dog named Annie who happens to be a friend of mine and a labrador retriever. I didn't think that it would hurt her feelings because she is a very strong and respectable dog and I knew she knew that I loved her. Not more than Blackie, of course, but a lot none the less. So, anyhow, I totally hurt her feelings and I didn't mean to. Then I peed on the bathroom rug. All in all, I deserve to be punished and given only generic dog treats. Oh and bee-atch #2, that thing you bought me is stupid. Only buy meat flavored things. And to you, little miss bee-atch #1, stop putting stuff in my room. You totally messed me up. I might even pee in the dining room today as payback. So there.

'Dog Show'? Try 'Audition for the Pussy Brigade'

2004-05-28T00:01:00.000-04:00

So Bee-atchs 1 & 2 sat down to watch some British dog show the other night. The only thing I learned was that the British have absolutely no taste in dogs. When the only flava in your 'Dog Show' is a Labrador Retriever, it comes as no surprise you lost the biggest colony EVER. Seriously. Anyway, the show got them all worked up, put some crazy ideas in their heads, and they were all like "'Stello, why can't you stack like those dogs?" Check this, ladies: the only thing I'll be stacking is another layer on a Tiny Bones and Cheez-Wiz sammich. So don't hold your breath.

Some spindly-ass dog called a Whippet took Best-In-Show. Funny I thought that was a Devo song. My bad.

Now a HOT Dog Show...that's something I could get behind. Totally.

So depressed.

2004-05-27T23:18:00.000-04:00

So. Blackie Pugg won't talk to me. Apparently she totally thinks that I'm cheating on her with Dalmation. So not the case. Dalmation is SOOO not my type. I mean, sometimes, yeah, we makeout and stuff. But, it doesn't mean anything. For serious. Anyhow, I need to go to the store and get her something to calm her down. It's probably that time of the month. You know. In a day or two I won't be able to get her off of me. Okay, well, I haven't had a very good day. So, I'm going to bed now.

It has been decreed!

2004-05-26T15:56:00.000-04:00

Wednesday is interview day. It will give all of my cyber friends (and not so friends) to get to know the people in my life and presidents and maybe a movie star or four. We begin with my girl Blackie Pugg.

Interview #1:
Blackie

C: So, Blackie. How are you today?

Blackie:

C: Hmm, uh, are you okay?

Blackie:

C: Cat got your tongue? Hahahahahahahahahahaha. That was a good one.

Blackie:

C: What? Your so wicked stupid! You’ve been talking to crab haven’t you? Crab’s a liar!! I did not pee on him!! For Serious!!! He is so full of it. He’s just so wicked jealous that I get to tell him what to do and he has to do it because I am bigger than him and he’s stupid.

Blackie:

C: Stop giving me that look.

Blackie:

C: For serious. You know I love you more, baby. You know I love you. STOP STARING AT ME!

Blackie:

C: F-Off then. I’m totally gonna kick your ass. RIGHT NOW!

Blackie:

Seriously stupid

2004-05-26T09:58:00.000-04:00

So, I was surfing the web last night, between the time when bee-atch #2 went to bed and bee-atch #1 got home. And you know who I hate a lot? Ryan Seacrest. So, sometimes, I go to his website and post hatemail to him. He's stupid. Anyhow, to make matters worse, I see that he's got his OUTFITS posted on the web. WHO CARES?? I clearly dress much better. Even when they make me wear stupid outfits with flowers or argyle on them. I mean, they don't make me, I let them think they make me. So, what I was thinking was doing a picture show of myself in MY various outfits. Of course, Rome wasn't built in a day, so it might be a few days. OH and the stupid crab sucks. I don't talk to him anymore on account of him not sharing hotdogs with me. He says he doesn't have any, but I know he does and is just being an ass.

'Stello OUT.

GOOD MORNING!

2004-05-25T10:55:00.000-04:00

Finally, I have some time to myself. I swear, I haven't had a good chance to just chill at all over the past few days. It's always like, Costello come, Costello sit, Costello get the frog. What the hell do they think I am. And the other day, just as I was getting my snooze on, one of my bitches was like, hey 'stello, let's go for a walk so I can look cool for hanging out with you. Anyhow, I'll probably just chill for a while today and maybe hang out with crab and lobster. They've been having some freaky attitude lately though and have been totally lame. I dunno, maybe I'll just take a nap. I think there's some hotdogs in the fridge, so maybe I'll eat one.

2004-05-24T22:21:00.000-04:00

This is me and my bitch. As you can see, she totally worships me and I am in control. For serious.

2004-05-24T21:57:00.000-04:00

This is me looking the camera dead on! I back down for no one!

Welcome friendz!

2004-05-24T21:42:00.000-04:00

My name is Costello and I RULE! I am a chihuahua of the best kind, as you can see by my photo. I have an "owner". She thinks that she's the boss of me, but she's not. For example, she has no idea that I have a blog. And that I know about the internet. I'm just smarter than she is. Also, I am quite good at punctuation, especially for a chihuahua. For serious. Anyhow, I have some friends like a crab and two lobsters and a frog and a fish and this white thing and a pug and a dalmation and this other person that lives in the house. She's cool but only cause she gives me hotdogs and stuff.