COSTELLO RULZ!

Reasons why I am awesome include but are not limited to...my ability to make everyone a pillow. That's right, Jeff, now hold it like that for 8 more hours. And, of course, he totally did. 

I guess this is what you call a boudoir shot. I think it's tasteful. 

Here's me in the morning. As you can see, me and the Lobster sisters had a rough night. I know it's so 70s but I love a circular bed. And so do the ladies... 

Pictures...as promised. Here's one of me interviewing John Cotter. What he didn't know was that if you stare into my eyes too long, I will totally steal your soul. Here he is just before he submitted and became my hot dog-fetching zombie... 

So it goes without saying that I have been the inspiration for many an artist...for example, who do you think that song "Dear Ben" is written for? Ben Affleck? I don't think so. The only one who'd write that idiot a song is Matt Damon...called maybe, "I Love You Cuz You Look Like Me" or "Share a Smoothie with Me." Very few people know that JLo and I were really tight. Being hispanic, gorgeous and famous, of course we moved in the same circles. I'm mostly positive that song was written for me and she just used Ben's name instead because she was always respectful of my personal life...unlike some people (B1!). I can't confirm it through her because we are no longer on speaking terms. Somebody (JLo!) has gotten themselves "in the family way" with a guy who could be a stunt double for the Geico mascot and is now too busy to call or write or email the chihuahua homey who got her through a very emotional split from PDiddy. Jenny from the Block, indeed. That block's been gentrified.

Anyway, back to my point...I'm awesome. And I received this lovely poem from my girl Annie about how I threw down with a great dane last weekend. I encourage you readers to send me poems or fan mail about me throwing down with dogs a thousand times my size, how handsome I am in all kinds of light or perhaps how you'd like to buy me a hot dog stand. I'm here to inspire. And eat hot dogs.

Lion Heart !

There wuz once a
Chihuahua named
“Stello”
overall, a quite
likeable fellow…
But,
At a poetry Bash
He ran into the path,
A monstrous pooch , a
Big ass Great Dane
(not Hamlet I feign]
Stud, that he is,
Territory to claim,
Stello, the mugger
Was ready to maim!

His mom intervened,
He got popped in her purse!
What a curse!
[What bad verse!]
Shouda called for
A hearse!
“Quack, Quack”

by: Annie da Pants

I know I say it all the time, but,

WUT A WEEKEND!!

Whoa. This is what I've learned:

What poets are good for:

1) beer

2) poetry

3) naked

4) big dogs

5) Mr. & Mrs. Cotter - Who, by the way, think I'm pretty awesome, which is awesome. I'm pretty sure that if my B's stop giving me meat flavored things then I could go live with them and stuff and I could eat whatever I wanted and get snuggled. ALL THE TIME!

So, anyhow, I'm still recovering. I think that I'll be back in the swing of things by Wednesday or Thursday.